woman.....you are forgiven.

On a Sunday morning in '05, after a long painful labour, our baby son, Nathan was born.

He was a good baby, and it's just as well, because I did not have a clue what I was doing. I cringe when I think about the ridiculous things I asked the MACH nurses when they came to do home visits.

But somehow, I muddled my way through.

Looking back, I think it's highly possible that I suffered post natal depression. I had no family nearby, and had not really made many friends in Canberra. I felt isolated at home all day, and when he was ten months old, I went back to work.

And this is when I had to learn to depend on God.

Leaving my baby to be looked after by someone else was so hard. He would cry and wriggle, as his carer held him, and reach out his chubby little arms for me to hold him.

Some mornings I felt so awful, that after I arrived at work, I would sit in the carpark and pray, that God would take care of my son, and keep him safe and happy while we were apart, and help me get through the day.

Afterwards, I felt a sense of peace, like I had handed my worries and fears over to God, and it was in His hands now. I began to do it every morning before work.

I felt like I was beginning to have a relationship with God, but in the back of my mind, I was plagued with doubts, over whether I was really forgiven.

Could he REALLY forgive a person like me?

I had made so many foolish mistakes, even though I had been brought up to know better. And not only that, but I had made the same mistakes over and over, and hurt people along the way.

One day, I was at home watching tv, and I just happened to flick over to the Australian Christian Channel (we could afford Foxtel back then...!), and someone was preaching. I started to listen, and just before he finished, he said " Somewhere out there, is a woman who's made some bad decisions, and she's wondering if she could be forgiven.

I tell you.....Woman....you are forgiven."

I fell down on the floor, sobbing, because I knew it was for me.

It sounds crazy, but even before the man said it, I knew that what he was about to say, was for me. I just knew that God was about to tell me something.

That day, the weight of my past was lifted off me. I wanted to dance for joy, and sing it from the rooftops.

That God - awesome, loving, almighty, all-knowing God, had forgiven me....

Yes, even me.